Growing up

I am changing direction... I am growing up... a sapling slowly turning into a tree; its root system deepening and widening, connecting with other trees, with other life forms and the energy in the soil; my branches reaching out into the air, the sky, catching the energy of the world, harbouring loved ones, providing a home - even if only temporary - for others. I still have a long way to go. It is a slow growth, but persistent - I can't stop it. It keeps coming back to knock on my door (the door of the house a little mouse has made itself at the base of my trunk :). That is the natural course of life.

But still I wonder: what is my course of life? I have an inkling now, but it's not yet graspable. I can't pick it off a tree yet, like I would an apple, thinking: "This is my apple now. I am going to bite into it and taste its deliciousness and relish it ... and share it! I know it is just right for me."

What does growing up mean? Do you ever stop - are you ever actually grown-up? I think of people, our ancestors and people probably alive today, who weren't or aren't expected to live past the age of 30. For those who have already left their life behind them: did they find their path in life? Had they grown into that wise, old, connected tree by the time they died? If I were one of these people, I would say "no". It seems that most of us are still children as "grown-ups". Our society, our ideologies seem to encourage this. It takes a long time for us to stick out our feelers and come across that thing - that thing that will grip us and that we grasp onto in return, that will sweep us along in its current... that amazing thing called life.... living your life your way - the way you know it to be true to yourself.

It made me wonder whether my grandmother, who recently died, was able to say to herself: "I feel proud, I feel happy, I have celebrated and shared life, my task is done." My guess is that she did, but it is a personal journey. No one can judge you, no one can decide for you, only you know.

In an article entitled "tree speak"*, a forest ecologist is quoted: "[...] So what those dying trees will do is that they will also move resources into living trees, to the young ones coming up, before they go, before they completely collapse. So it’s a transfer, like a passing of the wand from one generation to the next, if we allow it to happen.” Beautiful.

Today, I had a brief conversation with someone about death. She explained to me that the vedic concept of life is to prepare for a "good death". It reminds me of one part in Mac's amazing talk** (Mac is Embercombe's founder), the talk which woke me from a deep slumber almost two years ago:

"When the day comes, and my hole has been dug, and my feet are curled over the edge, and I'm about to flop into my grave ... I want to be able to look down the trail of my life and feel proud. It's a gift I give myself. I do not want to look down the trail of my life and feel bored. I do not want to look down it and say to myself: 'My goodness, I betrayed myself! I was a coward.' I want to know that I have acted on what I know to be true. [...] I think it's something that each of us can give ourselves...."

* Trees communicate with one another. Read this article on "tree speak" for starters.
** Make sure you have time to listen to the whole thing. Mac's answers to the questions at the end are really worthwhile listening to.